Sunday, June 10, 2012
My summer has blurred into days of sitting in my room. Literally, that's it. I went to a party though, so that was kind of fun. I mean there were cute guys so......(; The rest of my summer has literally been spent in my bed with cookies and my computer. It's a wonder i don't want a million pounds by now. Anyways, i leave for my mission trip in one week. Actually, i'll be there a week from now. It's kind of nerve racking. I don't know if i've voiced my extreme fear of this summer, but i have one. And it sucks. I love that i can sit around for days, but anything besides that just about kills me. I am dying for school to start. Nonetheless, i'm grateful i even get a summer, much less one where i don't have to do anything i don't want to.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Friday...good ol friday!
Today was a day of "stuff". As you all have gathered, i LOVE being alone in my bedroom. But today my mother forced me to leave. We yard saled all morning (which was us driving around because NO ONE was out), went out to lunch, went to the grocery (finally!!!!), and came home. It was a lot of time in the open, and lets be serious, i didn't enjoy it. I made peanut butter cookies, but something went terribly wrong...... Anyways, i have to study for the ACT somew more. I take it tomorrow. But as celebration, i get to go shopping and to my friends party!
Todays positive? It was Abbies birthday today! She's finally 16.
Wanna know something? I'm having trouble deciding what to call Abbie. You know when you first meet people and your hesitant to call them your friend or best friend, because you dont want to push it on them if they dont feel it? No? Just me? Well, anyways, it's like that but in reverse. Abbie and i were best friends, but we've drifted apart quite a bit. I don't want to say we're friends because i think there's a little more to it than that, but not much.
Todays positive? It was Abbies birthday today! She's finally 16.
Wanna know something? I'm having trouble deciding what to call Abbie. You know when you first meet people and your hesitant to call them your friend or best friend, because you dont want to push it on them if they dont feel it? No? Just me? Well, anyways, it's like that but in reverse. Abbie and i were best friends, but we've drifted apart quite a bit. I don't want to say we're friends because i think there's a little more to it than that, but not much.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
My love for food...well kind of.....
This is more than likely just a me problem, but oh well. As a kid, i loved food. I ate it at any given chance, and i would even sneak food into whatever hiding spot i could just so i could eat. I have always been and probably always will be a fatty at heart....believe me. I was an adventurous eater, but after one bad taste i wouldn't eat it again. Over the years though i have become the pickiest eater. It's crazy. For example, i don't eat any seafood, eggs, milk, yogurt, fruit, vegetables, frozen macaroni and cheese, grape popsicles, chicken, etc. I tend to stick with starches, fats, beef, and pork as my main food groups. But even within those i'm so picky! No fast food hamburgers, meatloaf, pink meat, frozen meals, overly sweet candy, donuts, pancakes, waffles, etc. I told you there is a lot. It's weird that i even eat at all. Nonetheless, i love food. Egg Rolls are my absolute favorite!
Lately though, not only have i not been wanting eat the food i normally do (chicken nuggets, hamburgers, croutons, pizza) i have been an incredibly peckish eater. I'll eat MAYBE half of my lunch and i'm full. If there is nothing good to eat, i simply won't eat. This is all so incredibly weird for someone like me, especially since i ate like a full grown man for the first 14 years of my life. It's just weird. Here's the thing though, a lot of the time eating makes me feel sad. The thought of eating pleases me, but actually doing so just makes me sad and i'm simply not hungry anymore. I have no idea why. Nothing bad ever happened while i was eating. But some how or another, i have developed this aversion to food. Lets be serious though, i'm okay with it.
Lately though, not only have i not been wanting eat the food i normally do (chicken nuggets, hamburgers, croutons, pizza) i have been an incredibly peckish eater. I'll eat MAYBE half of my lunch and i'm full. If there is nothing good to eat, i simply won't eat. This is all so incredibly weird for someone like me, especially since i ate like a full grown man for the first 14 years of my life. It's just weird. Here's the thing though, a lot of the time eating makes me feel sad. The thought of eating pleases me, but actually doing so just makes me sad and i'm simply not hungry anymore. I have no idea why. Nothing bad ever happened while i was eating. But some how or another, i have developed this aversion to food. Lets be serious though, i'm okay with it.
Mi familia.
This is continued from my rant on brothers.....
So let me just throw out one thing i hate. The division in my family. I am switzerland. My mom and sister are on one side, my dad and brother on the other, and then there is me. My parents are like prime ministers in different countries, and my brother and sister are the armies to their own side. If that makes any sense. The point is, it's annoying. I go to my dads, and it almost always ends with my brother trash talking my mom. When i'm at home, my sister trash talks my dad. My parents joke (somewhat harshly) about each other, and on those rare occasions when we're all together it's like freaking world war three. And all of this stresses me out like no other. It's painful, and so annoying. I hate that they can't get along, and that i constantly have to pick sides. It just makes everything awkward. Other awkward situations include: my parents fighting, my siblings fighting, my siblings fighting with my parents, being left alone with any of them, being forgotten by my parents, etc. All very lovely situations. NOT.
Honestly, in my family i am just that extra kid that tags along. My brother and sister are less than a year apart in age, so they were close throughout their lives. Then there was me, almost 5 years later. I started kindergarten, they started middle school. I went into high school, they started college. My parents devoted time to raising them throughout highschool (had to), but then there was me who raised myself from age ten on. They went on trips, i was left at my grandmothers until i was 4. Old family friends know about them, not me. I was seriously just that kid. The last cook. My brother and sister were close in age to everyone in my family (mom and dads sides). The closest person to me is 11, then 8, then 4. It's terrific. I hate that feeling, but it's very clearly who i am. It's no secret. Some people think being the youngest is amazing. I say it sucks. Sucks a lot. You miss out on a lot when there are big age gaps, and when your the youngest. You aren't as close to your siblings, you aren't as noticed. My life wasn't video taped, there aren't as many pictures. My family was tired by the time they got to me. I'm just saying it isn't fun.
So let me just throw out one thing i hate. The division in my family. I am switzerland. My mom and sister are on one side, my dad and brother on the other, and then there is me. My parents are like prime ministers in different countries, and my brother and sister are the armies to their own side. If that makes any sense. The point is, it's annoying. I go to my dads, and it almost always ends with my brother trash talking my mom. When i'm at home, my sister trash talks my dad. My parents joke (somewhat harshly) about each other, and on those rare occasions when we're all together it's like freaking world war three. And all of this stresses me out like no other. It's painful, and so annoying. I hate that they can't get along, and that i constantly have to pick sides. It just makes everything awkward. Other awkward situations include: my parents fighting, my siblings fighting, my siblings fighting with my parents, being left alone with any of them, being forgotten by my parents, etc. All very lovely situations. NOT.
Honestly, in my family i am just that extra kid that tags along. My brother and sister are less than a year apart in age, so they were close throughout their lives. Then there was me, almost 5 years later. I started kindergarten, they started middle school. I went into high school, they started college. My parents devoted time to raising them throughout highschool (had to), but then there was me who raised myself from age ten on. They went on trips, i was left at my grandmothers until i was 4. Old family friends know about them, not me. I was seriously just that kid. The last cook. My brother and sister were close in age to everyone in my family (mom and dads sides). The closest person to me is 11, then 8, then 4. It's terrific. I hate that feeling, but it's very clearly who i am. It's no secret. Some people think being the youngest is amazing. I say it sucks. Sucks a lot. You miss out on a lot when there are big age gaps, and when your the youngest. You aren't as close to your siblings, you aren't as noticed. My life wasn't video taped, there aren't as many pictures. My family was tired by the time they got to me. I'm just saying it isn't fun.
Growing up.
I'm sorry. People always complain about how kids are growing up too fast. How we wish we could go back to when all we worried about was cooties and stuff (you know you've seen the pictures/statuses about it). Don't get me wrong, those were amazing times. But here's the thing. WE CHOSE TO GROW UP SO FREAKING FAST. So you know what? Say goodbye to those times, move on, and grow up, because thats our option now.
See, people my age (about 13-20) complain about those typical things. How the 90's were the best, things were so much easier, blah blah blah. And the 90's were great and things were easier because we were kids. But see, we all wished to be older. We tried talking like adults, we begged for independence and got seriously offended when anyone treated us like kids. Kids started rushing into dating, drinking, partying, etc. They started ditching toys for all the fun grown up things like electronics and driving. See, that's where we messed up. We thought things were so magnificent. We did that normal human thing called wishing for what you don't have, instead of appreciating what you do have. And what did we realize? Things aren't all that great. We finally got what we wanted, only to see that we crave some more carefree days. We don't want to worry about jobs or driving, or gas prices, or trying to buy alcohol underage. But there's no changing it. We got what we wished for and now we live with it. It's just dumb to me that people seem so shocked about all this. We honestly just got what we asked for. So what do i do about it? Make it my goal to change that for the next generation. I'm 16, my cousin is 11, and i still gladly play dolls with her. Some people wonder why she hasn't given up dolls yet, but it's fun for her. And why should she? Why should she get rid of her creativity for some other "older" activity? I wish i had stuck with dolls that long because i know i loved it.
When i see my cousin, i make her put down the electronics. We dance around. We joke, we laugh, we make memories as cousins instead of wasting time on electronics. We go outside and kick the ball. We roll down the hill, and just have fun. I will do whatever it takes to make sure my cousin gets the childhood children should be having.
Real quick let me add that not everyone is like what i described. Most people are in some way or another, but not everyone. I personally gave toys up before i was ten. I switched to electronics, and what have i found? My creativity is shot. I have grown to rely on google for all my cool ideas, that i hardly have any of my own. However i didn't start drinking or partying. No drugs/alcohol for this kid. I haven't had a boyfriend, i've never been kissed. I'm okay with that too. So see? Even i feel into the fad a little bit but not completely. That's what i'm saying.
See, people my age (about 13-20) complain about those typical things. How the 90's were the best, things were so much easier, blah blah blah. And the 90's were great and things were easier because we were kids. But see, we all wished to be older. We tried talking like adults, we begged for independence and got seriously offended when anyone treated us like kids. Kids started rushing into dating, drinking, partying, etc. They started ditching toys for all the fun grown up things like electronics and driving. See, that's where we messed up. We thought things were so magnificent. We did that normal human thing called wishing for what you don't have, instead of appreciating what you do have. And what did we realize? Things aren't all that great. We finally got what we wanted, only to see that we crave some more carefree days. We don't want to worry about jobs or driving, or gas prices, or trying to buy alcohol underage. But there's no changing it. We got what we wished for and now we live with it. It's just dumb to me that people seem so shocked about all this. We honestly just got what we asked for. So what do i do about it? Make it my goal to change that for the next generation. I'm 16, my cousin is 11, and i still gladly play dolls with her. Some people wonder why she hasn't given up dolls yet, but it's fun for her. And why should she? Why should she get rid of her creativity for some other "older" activity? I wish i had stuck with dolls that long because i know i loved it.
When i see my cousin, i make her put down the electronics. We dance around. We joke, we laugh, we make memories as cousins instead of wasting time on electronics. We go outside and kick the ball. We roll down the hill, and just have fun. I will do whatever it takes to make sure my cousin gets the childhood children should be having.
Real quick let me add that not everyone is like what i described. Most people are in some way or another, but not everyone. I personally gave toys up before i was ten. I switched to electronics, and what have i found? My creativity is shot. I have grown to rely on google for all my cool ideas, that i hardly have any of my own. However i didn't start drinking or partying. No drugs/alcohol for this kid. I haven't had a boyfriend, i've never been kissed. I'm okay with that too. So see? Even i feel into the fad a little bit but not completely. That's what i'm saying.
Brothers and Headaches!
The two things in the title actually aren't related this time. Although they very easily could be......
So, might i just say that my brother is incredibly rude? He's just so immature, rude, annoying, etc. I'm not just saying that because i'm mad, but because it's true. He is incredibly disrespectful to my mom, he yells at me constantly and says rude things, he seems to think he runs the world. In my opinion he's a 3 year old in a 22 year old mans body that has been stuck in a tantrum over something incredibly dumb. I would just think he would've grown up by now. But no, my lovely brother has been this way for YEARS. Don't get me wrong, i still love him and he does have his okay moments. But most of the time he can just be awful. My friends know it, and not from my stories but from brief experiences with him. It's ridiculous. I wish he would just grow up some times. I always hope to spend more time with my brother and have that typical "story book" brother relationship, but all i'm realizing is that won't happen. Even the few times i see him a year (yeah, like four times TOPS) he still manages to be an incredible jerk. I will continue all of this in another post.....
Anyways, onto headaches. Every day i get a headache, and it's weird. It's been happening since 7th grade, although in 7th and 8th grade it wasn't this frequent. It was often enough to notice but not daily. Maybe 3 times a week tops. However with 9th grade i had headaches almost every day, but at least 5 times a week. Same in 10th and 11th grade. It's not just school. I get headaches in the summer, winter, WHENEVER. It's rather irritating. I mean my head literally feels like it's going to roll off it hurts so much. Now i know someones going to think "take ibuprofen then", but i won't. I get headaches every single day, and i personally feel like taking ibuprofen daily is just too much unless your cramping. I don't want to be that person that takes ibuprofen every day and builds up some crazy tolerance for it. It's just not good to do. So every day i suffer through my headaches and i hate it. However, there are some days when i wake up with a headache and have one til i go to bed. On those days i do take medicine for it, but i've found that it just doesn't help. Does anyone have this problem? Even remotely? I have tried sleep, medicine, laying in dark rooms, trying to forget about it, but nothing works. I just have a headache problem i guess.
So, might i just say that my brother is incredibly rude? He's just so immature, rude, annoying, etc. I'm not just saying that because i'm mad, but because it's true. He is incredibly disrespectful to my mom, he yells at me constantly and says rude things, he seems to think he runs the world. In my opinion he's a 3 year old in a 22 year old mans body that has been stuck in a tantrum over something incredibly dumb. I would just think he would've grown up by now. But no, my lovely brother has been this way for YEARS. Don't get me wrong, i still love him and he does have his okay moments. But most of the time he can just be awful. My friends know it, and not from my stories but from brief experiences with him. It's ridiculous. I wish he would just grow up some times. I always hope to spend more time with my brother and have that typical "story book" brother relationship, but all i'm realizing is that won't happen. Even the few times i see him a year (yeah, like four times TOPS) he still manages to be an incredible jerk. I will continue all of this in another post.....
Anyways, onto headaches. Every day i get a headache, and it's weird. It's been happening since 7th grade, although in 7th and 8th grade it wasn't this frequent. It was often enough to notice but not daily. Maybe 3 times a week tops. However with 9th grade i had headaches almost every day, but at least 5 times a week. Same in 10th and 11th grade. It's not just school. I get headaches in the summer, winter, WHENEVER. It's rather irritating. I mean my head literally feels like it's going to roll off it hurts so much. Now i know someones going to think "take ibuprofen then", but i won't. I get headaches every single day, and i personally feel like taking ibuprofen daily is just too much unless your cramping. I don't want to be that person that takes ibuprofen every day and builds up some crazy tolerance for it. It's just not good to do. So every day i suffer through my headaches and i hate it. However, there are some days when i wake up with a headache and have one til i go to bed. On those days i do take medicine for it, but i've found that it just doesn't help. Does anyone have this problem? Even remotely? I have tried sleep, medicine, laying in dark rooms, trying to forget about it, but nothing works. I just have a headache problem i guess.
The past few days!
Shocker, i'm off again...so here come the past few days! Also, starting the 17th of june, i won't be able to blog daily. I'll be gone literally from the 17-5. Then from the 8-15. It's quite a busy time. Not that anyone cares.
So the past few days have literally gone like every other day. Tuesday i went to therapy, ya know normal stuff. Wednesday was youth group....again, pretty normal. thursday is review ACT day (which i need to start soon), and other than those things all my free time has been sitting in bed. Yeah, haven't really left it. My life has been so boring but i'm okay with it. I don't really want to do anything or see any one. Especially after the hell of a week i had last week. I'm content just sitting alone.
Positives:
Tuesday- i got to eat chinese for lunch! Sidenote: we ordered it ahead of time but when we went to pick our food up they didn't have it. Turns out, we ordered it in the wrong city! And by we, i mean i. Yeah, sad day......
Wednesday- I got to see my friends for a little bit and it wasn't too bad. And chik fila for dinner.
Thursday- I have cookies! Peanut butter cookies!
Lets be honest, for almost every day my only legitimate positive would be food because i love it. I try to refrain from making food the positive though because thats slightly obsessive, and because there is so much more out there that is positive. I just have to find it.
So the past few days have literally gone like every other day. Tuesday i went to therapy, ya know normal stuff. Wednesday was youth group....again, pretty normal. thursday is review ACT day (which i need to start soon), and other than those things all my free time has been sitting in bed. Yeah, haven't really left it. My life has been so boring but i'm okay with it. I don't really want to do anything or see any one. Especially after the hell of a week i had last week. I'm content just sitting alone.
Positives:
Tuesday- i got to eat chinese for lunch! Sidenote: we ordered it ahead of time but when we went to pick our food up they didn't have it. Turns out, we ordered it in the wrong city! And by we, i mean i. Yeah, sad day......
Wednesday- I got to see my friends for a little bit and it wasn't too bad. And chik fila for dinner.
Thursday- I have cookies! Peanut butter cookies!
Lets be honest, for almost every day my only legitimate positive would be food because i love it. I try to refrain from making food the positive though because thats slightly obsessive, and because there is so much more out there that is positive. I just have to find it.
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