I don't know?

I thought talking talking to Linda was going to be the hardest thing to do. Then i thought talking to Pastor Laura was going to be the worst. I thought starting therapy was going to be the end, and i was completely sure that switching therapists in the middle of the year was going to start the apocalypse.

I was completely wrong. The hardest thing has been admitting that i have depression, telling my mom, and asking for medication. All at once. This is tearing me apart. So much rides on my moms response to those three things. This could all get so much better, only if my mom says yes. Things could also get a thousand times worse if she doesn't believe me. I'll be honest, i'm terrified of what she'll say. I am afraid to death that she won't believe me. I am worried i'll have to live like this for much longer.

I will say that Mrs. Clark has been an unbelievable help. I talked to her about it, she gave me pointers on how to go about bringing it up. She read the note i wrote for my mom, and she gave suggestions on how to not make it too overwhelming. She has been wonderful.

I will say that i think a lot of my anxiety comes from who my mom is. My mom really isn't THAT understanding of a person. She loves me to death and i know it, but i don't think she'll get it. She probably won't believe me. I know i should give her the benefit of the doubt, but i know my mom. I know she's somewhat of a perfectionist and i think it pains her so much to know that one of her children didn't turn out perfect. In fact none of us did and i think that makes this harder. We'll see how this goes. I do know that if this were Mrs. Clark, Abbie, or Linda then i would have no problem telling them because they would get it. Because they care about me. Because they've been there at one point. I thank God for each and every one of them, and i hope they're in my life for a long time.

**This will make more sense after i do another post to explain this. I know that's kind of out of order, but this is how i feel today and it's really on my mind. I need to get through today before i move on to explaining everything behind this.**