Sunday, March 11, 2012

I want to scream so bad. I have no one to talk to; i feel like i complain too much. I'm too weak. This is breaking me. Every second, every day, a little more i break. And i hate it. It makes me want to cry. I'm so alone. It freaks me out thinking about all this happening and i can't do anything. It's getting unbearable to just sit; to even watch netflix. There isn't anything i can do right now and be happy. Not celena's birthday, not hanging out with friends, not t.v., not food, piano isn't even doing it anymore. Writing about it doesn't help. Nothing helps. I'm losing it. I don't know if i can keep doing this. I don't know for how long. I don't know how i'm supposed to. I don't know, i just don't know. I've said it before and i'll say it again. I want out. I want to run away. I want to do something that will make this better. Anything that can make this better.

Everything is setting me off. Well almost everything. For example, i was eating dinner at my cousins birthday and for whatever reason i wanted to cry. I just wanted to stop it all. Then tonight at dinner i was thinking about how i used to eat spaghetti at my Grandmothers and how i loved it. That made me really want to cry and also made me want to hate spaghetti. I do hate it. I hate the pain it brings, and i hate all the "i used to" thoughts that come with it. I can't stand it.

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