Day whatever of hell

So honestly, just don't read this. Because i'm sure none of you care. I don't say that like I’m fishing for compliments. I seriously mean that none of you care. You can't because you don't know me. You just know what i put here, and you have a good idea of what i'm like. But honestly, people are extremely complex. A blog doesn't begin to tell you half the stuff about me. I think you might feel sympathetic, but i just don't think people can care about someone unless they really know them. Or have met them in person. Maybe i'm wrong, but that's just how i see it right now. 

                            

***I know it seems like i write the same things here over and over again, and in some ways i do. But this blog (for right now) has become where i express my feelings on a day to day basis, and this is literally how i feel daily. So maybe it's annoying to you when i write these posts all the time, but i have no where else to put it. Holding it in makes me want to die, and at the moment i have no one to tell. So here i am. Please don’t think I’m being dramatic. If I was, I would run around the world and tell everyone this. I don’t do that. I can hardly tell my best friend this or even my therapist, so please understand that.

Everyday gets harder. It is almost less appealing to breathe each day. I just don’t know. I keep pushing through each day, and for hours each morning I have to force myself to not focus on why I’m sad. Then for the rest of the day I try to stop being sad. I fail in both areas and it just makes things harder. It’s so hard to explain why I want to quit. Why I don’t want to be here. Why I just want relief. Being sad all the time, all the pain and everything else is hard. It’s constantly bringing me down. It never leaves and it’s almost impossible to cope with. I don’t know how to get rid of it, so I stick with it. Sticking with it makes me want to cry. It just makes me want to stop working. I don’t know where to go with this. I do know that I sit in bed and I never want to leave. I just want to sit in the darkness forever.