I'm going to do this.

I'm going to beat all this crap. I don't know how, but i'm going to try everything i can, step by step. I'm not going to give up; i won't take no for an answer. I will be happy. I will take Sydney's advice, and keep my head up. I will make my grandmother proud, and i will win. I have been taking no for an answer, and i've been letting myself get down in the dumps. Well not anymore. Like i said, i don't know how i'm gonna do this, but i know i have to and i know have to start right now. So here are my ideas. And i will refer back to this post whenever i get down. Yes, i must.

1. Draw a jesus fish and my grandmothers dob/dod on my wrist. To remind me of the God i love, my grandmother, and the fact that they're both together rooting for me.
2. I'm going to write down the list of things i'm thankful for. I will carry it with me and look at it every chance i get.
3. I'm going to keep important things with me. Things that make me happy. Nice notes i've received, an old cross, bracelets from friends, a sticker of two girls i donated money to years ago, my grandmother and cousins pictures. So along with the list, i'll look at these things whenever i can.
4. I'm going to sing Keep Your Head Up by Andy Grammer and You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban. These two songs, are honestly what i need to hear all day everyday. I will sing them to myself as a reminder. Keep my head up as God raises me up.
5. Pray. When i get down, when i'm sad, when i need someone, i will pray. I have a lovely God to turn to, and from now on i will turn to him. With every need, concern, wish, hope, joy, sorrow, EVERYTHING, i will turn to God.
6. I will be sure to be thankful for all i do have. I now am making myself give thanks EVERY night. Not just once in a while.
7. I will also read the Bible. That's where i will find more inspiration to keep going. If Moses, Abraham, John, and everyone else in the bible could keep going, well then by God i will too.
8. I will stop complaining and beating myself up. Calm down, breathe, don't complain, and do what i can to fix the problem. Just one breathe at a time.


I can't let myself lose anymore. I just can't. It's no longer an option. I am important, i am loved, i am pretty, i am here for a reason, and i will continue on because of that. Life is hard, but i can move on. There is something greater waiting for me, and i'm not going to waste any more time getting to it.