I am so confused

I honestly don't know what to think. I was talking to Nicole again, and i don't know why considering i brought this all upon myself. But we were watching soul surfer and she asked if i looked at this from her perspective. I thought about it, and i have. I know what it feels like to be hated by a bunch of people. In 5th grade when i gave that letter to Hannah, she told the whole class. They hated me. I lost so many friends because of that. I cried on the bathroom floor because of how bad i felt from that one thing, and because of how it felt to have almost no friends. That carried on to 6th grade somewhat but eventually i disappeared from her mind. I was incredibly thankful for that moment. So i completely understand where she's coming from. I understand part of her perspective. What she is having trouble understanding is my perspective. I think the biggest reason for that is because i hardly understand where i'm coming from. I just can't figure it out. I don't know whether i hate her or not, i can't figure out why i did it. I just dont know where i am in all of this. It's driving me crazy. The hardest part though, is that i can't please everyone. Grace will be pissed if i take her back. Abbie probably will be but i doubt she'll say anything. If i don't take her back then they'll be happy. But at the same time i feel like i'll be throwing myself into a whole new pool of trouble. I just don't know. Does anyone else realize how conflicting this is?