I am a few days off!

I have officially lost count, because lets be honest i don't know what today is. But the past few days of summer:

I dont know if i wrote on Thursday, but i spent the whole day driving to my aunts. It was awful, but the positive thing was getting out of the car. It was a 10 hour drive, so literally nothing happened.

Friday, we lounged around my aunts house. It really wasn't much, but we went out to lunch and it was delicious. Old Chicago Pizza is wonderful!! The rest of day was peaceful, although i was losing it. Completely. I cried for a while, because i don't want my family to find out about my bruises (why i have them and how i got them) and for a while i thought they did. It killed me to even think they knew. However they didn't. I guess the day doesn't sound that peaceful, but i was able to lay in bed alone for a long time, which was good enough for me. Being alone doesn't break depression, but at least when i lie alone i don't have to fake happiness. The positive for the day? Bed. Bed all the way.

Saturday (today) has been completely awful. I mean, who are we kidding. My family keeps staring at my bruises and it drives me nuts, but that's what i get. But after today, and just the risk of them finding out the truth, i don't think i've wanted to die more. I mean literally, if the doctor/therapist asked if i was suicidal, today i would say yes. It was KILLING ME. I cried, sat alone for a few hours, etc. Nothing new. I saw Hunger Games with my uncle, so that was positive. But i just want to leave. Like run into a river and die. Yuppppp. Lovely right? See, this is how my summer goes. It's terrible. I can't get away from my own brain, and it kills me.