What did i do?

Sorry if i posted something to this degree. Whatever.

But seriously, what did i do? What did i do to make Steven (my cousin) hate me? How does he not like me, yet he likes every other cousin adult? Why me? What could i possibly have done to him as a kid? That's right, nothing. Because he has hated me ever since i was a little toddler. He doesn't talk to me, never has. He makes fun of me though to my brother and cousin, he has always called me fat. He broke my bike once. Why must he hate me? Ya know, i was trying to be nice this weekend. I was thinking maybe i had done something, and i just hadn't ever given him a chance. So this weekend, i went out to make the extra effort. I was waiting for any second that i could be nice, or say something to him. But no, that didn't work out. What did work out was him calling me a weenie and Celena telling me he hated me. Lovely right. I just don't know what i did to make him not like me. I just don't get it. I don't get why i care either. This problem goes back ever since i was born, so why do i care 16 and a half years later?

And why don't my parents act like parents? Why can't my mom remember any detail about my life? Why doesn't she force me to eat healthy, check and make me do my homework, and do all those things moms do? Why doesn't she make dinner for us or anything? Why doesn't she sit down to eat with us? Why doesn't my dad ask me to his house? Why is it the only time i see him (or my brother) for more than 5 minutes is once every two months?  Why didn't he ever ask about my day or press me about what happened in class? Why doesn't he remember to pick me up or to ask about important moments in my life? Why did he stop talking to us for those seven months?

Why doesn't my brother care either? Why did he pick on me all those years? Why doesn't he care about what happens in my life or talking to his little sister? Why doesnt he care about seeing me grow up or what i think? Why am i just some pest to him? Why does he constantly pick at everything i do?

Why doesn't my dad's family want to see me? What happened to all the cousins and aunts and uncles i loved? What happened to seeing them or talking to them or them even calling? Why don't they care about me anymore? Don't they miss me?

Why am i so hard to love? Why am i left so alone right now? No one cares. This is just the short list of people who don't care. This is just the short list of people who left me.

But why is it so hard to love me? I just want to be loved.